Why me?

My youngest child has got into the slightly annoying habit of saying "Why?" a lot at the moment. Her mother and I are not sure whether half the time it is a real question or just a way of keeping the attention on her. Nevertheless, it has become a part of her conversational style. In the last week I have been asking the question: Why me? But not in a self-piteous or negative way.

As our young church plant turned three this last weekend I saw the faithfulness of God in our journey, but sometimes I struggle with the responsibility of it all. I also know my weaknesses. I can say the wrongs things, do the wrongs, let friends down, give oxygen to the things I struggle with. And yet out of this imperfection I still find myself being used by God. Extraordinary.

For any pastor church is hard work and long hours, and the cost has already been great, but there's nothing quite like it when you see a prayer answered and circumstances change. All the difficulties and disappointments find their perspective in the grand narrative. But we never forget to tell each other we are on a journey.

Most people come to God because they want something out of him, but we are aiming to be a church that learns to come to God because of who he is and to simply to love him. For example, using the analogy of marriage, who marries someone just because of what they can get out of the other partner? It is nonsense isn't it?

As we begin our fourth year, we recognise that many people are nervous of coming to church because they feel they will be judged by Christians. Judged for being a single mum, judged for being a divorcee, judged for having a teenage abortion, judged for working as a lap dancer, judged for being gay. It takes a lot of courage to come through the door. I wonder why then we can make it so difficult for people by saying you must behave and believe our doctrines before you put another foot forward?

In that time honoured tradition we have learnt to say "come as you are" and mean it. Now that can be costly, as so often we like church to be normal, well organised and predictable. We have got it how we want it and don't want anyone messing with something that we have been perfecting over a number of years.

Yet for the Lord to grow his church he needs to grow our hearts in compassion. Change has to happen in us before we can expect to see it in others.

In Matthew's gospel it says that "when Jesus saw the crowd he had compassion on them" (Matthew 9:36). Crowds by description would suggest that they are strangers, unknown people. Yet Jesus was demonstrating the need for kindness towards them.

He says that they are "harassed and helpless like sheep without a shepherd". In other words, strangers need caring for. We need to get to know them. The church doesn't just look after itself.

It is a privilige to be called to serve others in this way and I am so grateful for those who have come alongside us to work in the "harvest field". I suspect also that I am not the only one asking, Why me?

If you are not a Christian and and reading this you need to know that none of us feel particularly special or sorted.

It is grace - and grace alone.

ASD

Comments

[Duke Lancaster]

I am a Vineyard church planter just completing 2 years. I echo everything you've said here. I was taking a bit of inventory this past couple of weeks as we evaluated the cost and such of what we are undertaking... and came back to the conclusion that there is nothing else I'd rather do. Lives being radically changed, Jesus being lifted up and the Kingdom of God being manifest. Extraordinary indeed!

[AndrewSD]

Hi Duke - thanks for your comment. I had someone say to me recently that becoming a Christian was the most revolutionary thing they had ever done. How true. All the best, fellow CP.